I needed to go off-the-grid, to go offline, to go quiet and get still, to go dark for a bit.
I was feeling old, familiar signs of frustration, fatigue, burnout … the kind I haven’t felt since my corporate days.
You see, I had recently taken on a new venture, a partnership … or, more of a collaboration, really. And, while at first, the decision felt like a “yes,” my body wasn’t feeling the same after 4 months in.
In fact, it felt like my nervous system was on the outside of my body. I even found myself sick for the first time in over 10 years (again, not since my corporate days).
For what initially felt like a clean “yes,” was quickly becoming a resounding “no”.
I could feel the intensity of the resistance kicking in. And, I found myself dropping back into my old pattern.
For this is a pattern I know all too well.
This was my MO during my 20-year corporate career. Fuck, let’s be real … it has been my MO the better part of almost 49 years, as it’s been my default most of my life.
I mean I know how “to get shit done.”
I know how to push, to wind and grind, burn and churn, to make shit happen.
I KNOW how to hustle.
I also know what it almost cost me. My life. I remember this pattern all too well. And, how it landed me in the hospital back in day.
It not only cost me my health, it cost my energy, my time, and my peace. I was wound up so tightly back then … and, I was feeling those same signs show up again.
It’s been a while since I’ve found myself back in that energy. I’ve since cleared, and healed, a lot of it since leaving corporate and stepping out on my own.
Yet, here I was again. Back in the hustle.
So, I quit. Yep, you read that right … I QUIT.
I walked away. I chose me. I let myself pivot and changed my once “yes” to a full “hell no.”
And, I went off-the-grid.
I planned to go offline for nine days. I went to the mountains and fully unplugged.
I pulled all my social media apps off my phone, for starters. And, I disengaged. I gave my clients notice that I was going on vacation, and that I wouldn’t be available, at all.
Those nine days in Denver were magical. I stayed with a good friend, and took time to deeply connect to Mother Earth.
I just let myself be. No agenda. No plan. No goals. No, nothing really, except to see what was presenting.
A space to decompress. To rest. To restore.
And, as I let go and leaned into just being, I realized nine days wasn’t enough. When I returned home, I wasn’t ready to jump back in. So, I gave myself another day, and then another day, and another.
Another day became another week. And, nine days became two months.
And, the ironic thing … these two months have been one of my most abundant seasons of my life. So much has dropped in, both ideas and opportunities.
It’s only been recently that I’ve popped my head back into the mainstream again, back into social media a bit, back into my “work.”
For, this container, this sacred space, I’ve given myself has been far more expansive, healing, and opening than I could have imagined.
I’m excited to share all that showed up, and what’s presenting in how I get to show up for myself more, and for you.
Stay tuned … there’s more to the story.