As I mentioned in a previous post, I took an unplanned, and much needed, sabbatical this summer. What started out as a 9-day excursion to the mountains, and some time with some beloved friends, turned into going completely “dark” for more than two months.
And, when I say “dark” … I mean fully unplugged. Off social media, out of the mainstream energy and conversation. I totally caved out.
If you would have told me that I would take time off this past summer, I would have responded with a “hell no” to that. And, proceeded to claim that I needed to “get shit moving” or that I “couldn’t possibly take time off” … or, some other version of “no, I can’t.”
Yet, when the universe says STOP, the universe means NOW.
My level of burn-out had reached a pretty significant level. Again, I hadn’t been back here since my corporate days, more than a decade ago.
I was pushing again. Pushing. So. Hard. Grinding, winding, burning, churning, making “shit happen.” You know, the good ‘ole GSD mentality.
My old friend.
Though, if I am being honest with myself, it was never much of a friend to me. It stole from me, it taunted me, it convinced me I wasn’t worthy unless I proved myself. It laughed at me, it drove me to the brink of exhaustion, to the black abyss of hell and back many times. It cost me. A lot.
In fact, this “friend” of mine was pure evil, pure darkness, pure bullshit. This belief, this story, we buy into that we have to hustle. We have to work hard … you know, the “no pain, no gain” type of bullshit we feed ourselves over and over and over again.
I realized I needed to part ways with this old friend of mine. I needed to find a new friend, in myself. In my truth. And, it required me to get still to see it:
I have lived most of my life trying to prove myself, to validate myself.
For what? For who?
I mean, who exactly was I trying to prove myself to? Who did I believe was given the golden keys to unlocking MY truth? Who was I handing my power over to and giving permission to validate my value and worthiness?
Who, I ask you? Who, indeed.
Yes, this is what showed up for me during my sabbatical.
First, it was only a mere whisper … then, it became a loud roar and deep knowing that began to resonate and permeate throughout my entire being.
The truth could no longer be hidden.
I AM worthy … just because.
I needed to set myself free.
I am worthy … just because.
The two most powerful words in the Universe. These two words have magic and cast spells that either lift us into higher consciousness or keep us locked in the matrix of darkness. For whatever we choose to put after those two words gets activated, into our beliefs, into our thoughts, into our words, into our (inspired) action.
I realized how fully and deeply I am. Period. I am.
Nothing more, nothing less. I simply am.
I am Candy Barone. I am the embodiment of this soul here in human form to offer the gifts I have been given. I am a spiritual being having a human experience.
I am worthy. I am valued. I am enough. In fact, I am more than enough. Just because. Just because I am here on this planet in this moment. Just because I am magnificent child of God. Just because I breathe. Just because I was given the gift of another morning.
And, I realize that I am … enough, worthy, beautiful, free, complete, whole, not broken, imperfectly perfect, human, a spiritual being, courageous, generous, and empowered. I am divine consciousness, God consciousness, a co-creator, a student, a teacher, a guide.
I am responsible for me, how I choose to show up, how I choose to serve, how I choose to lead. I am a trailblazer, a tree-shaker, a rebel, a truth-seeker, and a light warrior. I am the embodiment of my experiences, my wisdom, my knowledge. I am fallible, healing, growing, and evolving.
I am opening to GRACE, and leading my Living Legacy. I am becoming more and more enlightened as I awaken to the truth. The truth of who I am, and the truth that I am my purpose (it is not something out there that I have to find).
I am authentic, I stand in my own integrity, and I choose to live my life for me. No excuses, no apologies, no justifications. I am.
I am aligned as fuck, and I am no longer willing to play small in my life.
The greatest gift that came from my sabbatical was this truth, this revelation. I am. I am aligned as fuck, and no longer able or willing to hold any part of me back. I am ready to shine. I am ready to play full out. I am ready to stir some shit up and flip some fucking tables.
And, I am ready to call forth those who want to be on this amazing adventure with me. Inviting those who want to bend time, quantum leap, and race down rabbit holes … not knowing where they will lead us, or what might show up.
To create a space where we can dance together, play together and co-create together.
It’s 11:11 AM as I finish writing this on a Sunday morning … a sign of alignment. A sign it’s time we all get aligned as fuck. A sign that it’s time now.
Who’s ready to dive in? Who’s ready to join me.