"You're So Lucky": Three Words That Used to Trigger Me; Now They Bring a Sense of Truth

For me, one of those phrases is: “You’re so lucky.”

Someone said that to me just recently. Those three words that used to rattled me to the core … and, get the fight in me going hard. 

However, this time, instead of being triggered … I just smiled.

Those three words no longer trigger me. 

Before, they would have made me feel the need to be defensive, indignant, and quip back with something along the lines of: “Luck had nothing to do with it … I worked my ass off for this.”

It would have activated the fight in me, and all that cortisol and adrenaline to prove to whoever said it to me that I was never given silver spoon. 

That I had to scrap and grind for what I had now. That I deserved respect, not there envy that somehow I was special, blessed, and an anointed one. 

That was the old me.

When I say that phrase used to trigger me  … I am talking about shit ton of triggering. It was like a knife that cut me to my core.

I would actually burn hot whenever someone said it to me. There would be an intense anger and resentment that would rsie up in me. 

Then I realized they were right. 

I am lucky 

In fact, I am so lucky that somewhere deep within me I knew to choose me.

That somehow, despite all the trauma and abuse I have experienced over my lifetime, that I could find my way back home to myself.

That, regardless of every trial, tribulation, and challenge that tried to break me down only made me more determined as I arose stronger.

That, even though I experienced massive bullying (starting with my own dad, then middle school and high school, and even throughout my corporate career), I learned how to separate other people’s unwarranted and unsolicited opinions of me from my own.

They’re right … I am lucky.

I am lucky that I learned how to see my own worth even when others tried their damndest to make me think otherwise, to strip me of my power, and to think I was broken (or too much) in the process.

I am so lucky.

I am so lucky that amidst a childhood steeped in abuse at the hands and words of a narcissist, taking on the role of a co-parent by 6th grade, working a part-time job at 15, and three jobs in college (which I paid for on my own … still am, actually), that I knew deep down I was meant for more. 

I am so lucky that along with filing for bankruptcy in my twenties, being attacked numerous times by men I considered to be friends, date raped in college, and put into too many compromising situations from bosses who try to “solicit” me out to gain more sales in my corporate career …

I still did the work to find myself.

I leaned in and did the hard work. The healing work. The messy work.

I still do.

For every time I face a growth edge, I acknowledge that I have a choice I can make: I can either run away or I can lean in.

I can either play to role of victim, or I can choose to be the victor. 

I am so lucky that I have choose to lean in. 

That there is a fire within me knowing that my past and circumstances didn’t define me, and still don’t define me. 

I am so lucky that I realized I get to choose my reality, and my truth.

Yes, there was time I felt lost, broken, and deeply unworthy. 

I lived in that energy for a really long time. Sometimes, it was as if I lived a dual life. On the outside, I looked successful and … yes, lucky. However, on the inside, I was riddled with anxiety, pain, and grief.

I spent many nights crying, more like sobbing, myself to sleep. When I wasn’t doing that, I used every other coping strategy to numb out anyway so that I could just to “take the edge off.” 

Needless to say, my addictive nature took hold of me in more ways than one, back then … whether by drinking, binge eating, shopping, casual sex, or working out too hard in the gym. Everything except recreational drugs. 

I had to hit rock bottom many times in order to find the light.

Yet, what once felt like darkness that would consume me and swallow me whole, turned out to be my greatest teacher. 

For the darkness showed me my own resiliency and strength. When I chose to really see it, the veil began to lift and I began to let the light in.

I love how Shaman Durek says, in his provocative and crack-you-wide open book: Spirit Hacking, that the darkness is something to befriend. As he states: the darkness is simply showing you what wants to be brought into the light. For, our darkness wants to be seen, in order to be healed.

His book was one of the many catalytic sparks that helped to transform my way of thinking, my life, and my way of being in the world. 

See, they were right … I am so damn lucky. 

For I have built a support network around me that sees me. They challenge me. They lift me up. And, they reflect back to me more growth edges.

I am so lucky because I sought out resources and tools, through books, programs, coaches, mentors, Human Design, Gene Keys, and more.

I am so lucky because I learned (thank you Brené Brown) that shame cannot live when you choose to give it breath. So, in sharing my stories, I not only heal myself … I create space for others to heal, too.

I am so lucky that the challenges I faced were part of my soul curriculum. For, without them, I wouldn’t be able to do the work I do at the depth I do to fully access and stand in my gifts.

I am so lucky that through my experiences, my inner knowing, my faith and trust in life, and my wisdom, I am able to truly help others navigate similar paths for themselves and to be a guide for those I serve.

I am so lucky.

I heard something recently that cracked me wide open again: “We are all here, in this life together, to help walk each other back home, to ourselves.”

Yeah, I feel that. I am so lucky … 

Because that’s exactly what I get to do. I have the honor and blessing of being someone who helps walk others home.

Now, when I hear some tell me how “lucky” I am … I just smiled, because I know to the depth of my soul that they are right!

If you would like help taking that next step in your own walk, I invite you to start by accessing your FREE Human Design chart and FREE summary report here: https://www.candybarone.com/HD-chart

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