Learning to Love My Body
Oct 07, 2020
I’ve hated this body. I’ve punished this body and robbed it of love. I’ve pushed this body too hard to the point of exhaustion, where I’ve caused it unnecessary harm.
I’ve spent a long time loathing and despising this body. I wasn’t shaped like the other girls. I had more curves, more muscle. I fought with this body. I abused this body. I tortured this body … whether by training too hard or overusing fat burners and fad diets. I’ve starved this body and then gorged this body.
I spent a great deal of time facing my own shame. I lied to myself and others. I try to hide my insecurities by working harder. It almost cost me my life, in more ways than one.
It has taken me more than 47 years to make peace with this body. To love this body for how strong it is. To forgive it for not being what I thought I always wanted it to be. To hold space for it to talk to me, to communicate its pain, and to really listen to what this body, my body, was trying to tell me. To be kind to me body.
Now, I find myself leaning in even more. I notice how my belly stays rounder, how I am not able to lean out the way I used to when I was younger, and how I hold onto “hormonal” weight in my stomach and thighs. I see the curves being more prominent than ever.
I notice. I observe. Not from a place of judgment anymore, but from a place of curiosity and compassion. This body has carried me. This body has protected me. This body has been my best friend … even when I haven’t treated it like one back.
I say all this because life is a journey. A path to unlearn all the should-ing and expectations and images of what we think we are suppose to be. It’s a process to navigate how to unpack our shame and greatest fears … of being inadequate, not enough, and feeling as if we’re not lovable.
At least, this has been my journey.
I’ve learned how to truly say YES to myself. How to destroy the noise getting in the way. How to allow what presents to guide me. How to stop fighting and resisting who I am and how this body looks and feels. And, in doing so … I have found the way back home, to ME!
I now choose to celebrate this body, flaws and curves, belly and thick thighs, butt dimples and all. I celebrate her journey, her scars, her triumphs. I celebrate all this body is, and all that it is not. For the ME who lives inside this body continues to do the work, continues to show up to serve others, and continues to settle more into the BEING-ness of who she is. This body has shown me all that, and so much more.
So, my call to action is that we all celebrate our bodies, women and men alike! You (and I) are worth it!
With deep gratitude, Candy