Going into November of last year, I felt depleted, tapped out, and at a cellular level of exhaustion. It hit me full force. All of the energy of 2020 had built up and taken it’s toll on me (I’m guessing you might be able to relate), and everything in me screamed I needed space and grace for real restorative healing.
In fact, even when I would activate my Oracle cards, meditate, or pay attention to my dreams at night, the message was loud and clear … I needed the time and space for deep restorative work of my body, mind and spirit.
Real, deep restorative healing.
More than just taking a vacation or time away (which I went to Galveston for an extended weekend with Payton and a friend only to find that this was merely a jumpstart). I realized what was calling to me was a completely different level of quiet and reflection, rest and restoration.
It meant pulling back, unplugging, and pulling out of all the demands, expectations, and the need to hustle and grind. Truthfully, it meant pulling out of all and any masculine energy. It meant allowing myself space to connect to my Divine feminine, to nurture and nourish myself, and to be gentle with my soul.
You see, restoration is a space of deep rest and renewal, not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, energetically and spiritually, as well.
And, it required some intentional inner work.
The kind of inner work that takes you off the grid for a while. The kind of inner work that means you have to sit with what shows up, and simply allow whatever presents to just be. The kind of inner work that means you need to get honest with yourself, and really listen.
So, I began to slow down and really listen to what my soul had to tell me.
I listened to the whisper that was calling from deep inside my soul. I listened to the chaotic noise that was swirling around in my head. I listened to the quiet space in between.
I noticed all the judgment, the criticism, the shame, the fear, the anxiety, and the uncertainty that was buried deep in my thoughts. I noticed the pain in my body and the suffering I had created for myself. I noticed where things felt heavy and dense.
I noticed, and I listened … to all of it.
I let the layers fall off. I cried, I slept, I sat in silence.
I found myself being directed to deep spiritual work, to the texts and the works of various spiritual teachers. I was drawn into A Course in Miracles, The Tao te Ching, and writings from Hafiz, Muktananda, Neville Goddard, and Rumi.
I also found myself going back to teachings from Dr. Wayne Dyer, Reverend Michael Beckwith, Marianne Williamson, Gabby Bernstein, Pema Chödrön, Danielle LaPorte, Gary Zukav, Michael Singer, Florence Scovel Shinn, and Joseph Benner.
I read, and I read, and I read some more. In fact, I actually got lost in mentor’s teachings, in the work of spiritual teachers before me. I went deep and retreated away from the world.
I found myself feeling at odds with my natural tendencies, my usual ways of pushing back. That space where I would hustle harder, grind longer, and I would overcome any lull or place where I felt unmotivated or disengaged.
The old me would fight back, would dig deep, and would find a way to overcome the challenge of the resistance dropping in. I would rely on my tried-and-true masculine energy that knew how to “get things done.”
I would hunker down and just do more.
Yet, that wasn’t what was presenting. That isn’t what I needed this time. In fact, I found myself actually repelled by anything carrying overly aggressive masculine energy or the push to “just do more.” I found myself having visceral reactions to my former ways of doing things, to typical marketing strategies and sales techniques, and all the should-ing from others around me.
Because what was calling was so much softer. It was my own inner Divine feminine asking for the space and grace to lead. She was seeing things from a brand new perspective, and I was letting my heart lead fully and powerfully.
My Divine feminine energy was seeking expression of her voice, and asking me to fully surrender and allow myself the deepest level of nourishment. So, I leaned in. I gave this untapped energy my full attention, and I began to get out of my own way.
What transpired has been truly beautiful to witness. I got to watch and embrace my own level of softness, the stillness within. I was able to give myself permission to just be, to allow the flow to move about me and within me.
I quieted down for the first time in a long time.
And, in the quiet space, the shift has taken me to new levels. I am learning how to beautifully and powerfully dance between both my Divine feminine and Divine masculine energies. I see the wonder in how they both are needed, and how they allow me the greatest, truest expression of who I authentically am, and how I get to show up and serve the world.
I realize I get to experience all of it. That we get to experience all of it. That life is not pushing on us … but rather, flowing through us.
That we are not here “to DO” as much as we are here “to BE.”
And, it is in that truth that I am able to lead more, give more, and shine my light more.
For the ability to slow down, to sit in the stillness, and listen to our own soul is the greatest opportunity before us. It requires space and restoration to allow our own journey in opening to grace to unfold. For as we learn to be still and to really listen, we also learn to expand until there are no edges and stand fully in our truth.
The greatest freedom is being able to live your truth completely.
How are you allowing what needs to flow guide you to your truth? How are you taking time to restore and create real WELLth for yourself? How are you learning to be still and listen to the whisper of softness from within?
Your inner voice is asking to be expressed, your purest light the ability to shine, and your truth to be activated as your inner due north. The time is now, my friend. The time is now.
With love and deep reverence,